NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT

Kislev 30, 5780 / December 27-28, 2019

Torah: Genesis 41:1 - 44:17 (Aliyot 1-6)

Shabbat Rosh Chodesh: Numbers 28:9-15 (Aliyah 7)

Maftir: Numbers 7:42-47 (Shabbat Hanukkah)

Haftarah: Zechariah 2:14 - 4:7 (Shabbat Hanukkah)

COMING SOON: NEW ADULT EDUCATION PROGRAMS AT TBH/CBM!

Starting January 12, 2020, we'll have two Sunday morning classes:

1. "(Re) Introduction to Judaism", with Rabbi Richard Flom - Sundays at 9:30 am. This is a wonderful opportunity to learn or relearn everything they should have taught you in Hebrew School - and a whole lot more! This is equally useful for people considering conversion to Judaism. Cost: $180 for non-members, complimentary for members of TBH/CBM

2. "History of Israel and the Middle East", with David Silon - Sundays at 11:00 am.

Class schedules, curricula, and reading lists will be available on-line and in snail mail the first week of January.

Dedications and calendar follow below. For complete listings, see our web site at:

http://www.bnaihayim.com

Please feel free to pass this on to a friend, and please cite the source.

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NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT

"Now let Pharaoh seek out a discerning and wise man and set him over the land of Egypt ." Gen. 41:33

Rabbi Shalom Schwadron asks this question: Why was a "discerning and wise man" needed to oversee the collection of provisions during the seven years of plenty?

He suggests that gathering and saving food during a time of abundance in preparation for a famine in the future requires true wisdom and understanding, because it is against human nature. He quotes the Talmud (Tamid 32a): "Who is wise? One who has foresight." What is more, Joseph had to convince Pharaoh and the entire Egyptian nation to share in this foresight, which required even further wisdom on his part.

In our own lives, we often look back at missed opportunities. For example, when our children are young, we have many chances for teaching them about our heritage. There are Shabbat and Holy Day observances, religious school education, and what the educators call "teaching moments" which can arise at any time. Once they are gone, they are gone forever. It's true that Shabbat comes every week, and the festivals come annually, but _this_ Shabbat and _this_ religious school class will never come again.

As we and our children grow older, the missed opportunities begin to pile up. Work, school, activities and the like begin to take over, and the religious and spiritual education begins to take a back seat. At some point, we look back and tell ourselves that we know too little and that it is too late to get the education. We begin to wonder why our children know so little, and do not practice the religion of our ancestors.

Of course, it's never too late to learn! Nevertheless, we need to bank learning and practice now, for the famine of opportunity which we know will come. The difference between us and Joseph is that he knew exactly when the famine would begin. We are not that wise. But we are wise enough to know that there is no time like the present to begin to add to our stores of knowledge and observance. In doing so, we avoid spiritual starvation in the lean years to come.

Chag Urim Sameach and Shabbat Shalom!

Rabbi Richard A. Flom

הַלּוֹמֵד מִכָּל אָדָם ?אֵיזֶהוּ חָכָם

Who is wise?  The one who learns from every person.

Ben Zoma - Pirkei Avot 4:1

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Candle lighting: 4:30 pm

Friday: Shabbat Evening Service – 6:30 pm. Oneg Shabbat follows.

Saturday: NO Torah study/breakfast – resume January 4. Women's Rosh Chodesh Shabbat Morning Service – 9:30 am. Kiddush lunch follows.

Sunday:  NO Religious School – resume January 5. 

Tuesday: NO Lunch and Learn – resume January 7.

Wednesday: Happy New Year!

Friday, January 3: Shabbat Evening Service – 6:30 pm. Oneg Shabbat follows.

Saturday, January 4: Torah study/breakfast 8:45 am. Shabbat Morning Service – 9:30 am. Kiddush lunch follows.

Sunday, January 5: Religious School – 9:30 am.

Next time you come to TBH/CBM, please bring some non-perishable canned and packaged foods and personal items (no glass) for SOVA.

This d’var torah is offered in honor of my wonderful wife and life partner, Lynn Kronzek, on the occasion of our 39^th wedding anniversary on December 28. Thank you, my dear, for everything!

This d’var torah is offered in honor of the women of Temple B’nai Hayim/Congregation Beth Meier for their dedication to our community and for their leadership in preparing the Women’s Shabbat Rosh Chodesh Service.

This d’var torah is offered for a refuah shleimah for Leah bat Sarah Imanu, Sarah bat Devorah, Susan Arbetman, Ken Bitticks, Elsbet Brosky, Mark Brownstein, Jerry Daniels, Maya Fersht (Maya bat Esther), Dr. Samuel Fersht (Shmuel Natan ben Gittel), Bernard Garvin, Leah Granat, Gabor Klein, Elaine Kleiger, Philip Kronzek, Tonya Kronzek (Zlata Malkah bat Sarah Imanu), Ina Labowitz, Stuart Lytton, David Marks, Gail Neiman, Sandra Raab, Josef Sands, Shirley Sands, Debra Schugar Strauss (Devorah bat Chaya Feiga), Helen Schugar (Chaya Feiga bat Kreina), and William Sragow.

Please let me know if there is anyone you would like to add to this list or if there is anyone who may be removed from this list.

PRINCE OR SLAVE?

Parashat Vayeishev

Torah: Genesis 37:1 – 40:23

Haftarah: Amos 2:6 – 3:8

Kislev 23, 5780 / December 20-21, 2019

COMING SOON: NEW ADULT EDUCATION PROGRAMS AT TBH/CBM!

Starting January 12, 2020, we'll have two Sunday morning classes:

1. "(Re) Introduction to Judaism", with Rabbi Richard Flom - Sundays at 9:30 am. This is a wonderful opportunity to learn or relearn everything they should have taught you in Hebrew School - and a whole lot more! This is equally useful for people considering conversion to Judaism. Cost: $180 for non-members, complimentary for members of TBH/CBM
2. "History of Israel and the Middle East", with David Silon - Sundays at 11:00 am.

Class schedules, curricula, and reading lists will be available on-line and in snail mail the first week of January.

 
Dedications and calendar follow below. For complete listings, see our web site at:

http://www.bnaihayim.com

Please feel free to pass this on to a friend, and please cite the source.

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PRINCE OR SLAVE?

"And it came to pass after these things that the cupbearer of the king of Egypt and his baker had sinned against their master, the king of Egypt. Pharaoh was angry at his two princes - the prefect of the cupbearers and the prefect of the bakers." Genesis 40:1-2

Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch says that the reference to the two courtiers as "princes" is mockery. To those who served beneath them, they were "princes", wielding great power; but to the king, they were nothing more than slaves with fancy titles. He threw them into prison for no apparent reason. The cupbearer and baker failed to understand that, when one's position is dependent solely upon the whim of one's superior, one's position is, at best, precarious.

So it is all too often with people who attain positions of power granted by another. They clothe themselves in self-importance. The opinions of those who work for them are irrelevant. These "princes" believe that direct contact with the king somehow makes them as powerful as the king.

The most desirable community, it seems to me, is one where every member, whether leader or not, fully understands that they are serving a higher purpose; where there is no self-aggrandizement, no delusion of grandeur interfering with their dedication and perseverance. Fortunate is that community whose leaders understand that they are NOT royalty. Equally fortunate are the leaders and workers who serve that community which does not treat them like slaves. I am thankful to be a member of such a community! May it be thus for all of us.

Shabbat Shalom! Chag Urim Sameach!

Rabbi Richard A. Flom

הַלּוֹמֵד מִכָּל אָדָם ?אֵיזֶהוּ חָכָם

Who is wise?  The one who learns from every person.

Ben Zoma - Pirkei Avot 4:1

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Candle lighting: 4:30 pm

Friday: Simchah Shabbat Evening Service – 6:30 pm. Simchah Shabbat Dinner follows. Dinner is complimentary, and reservations have closed. If you failed to make a reservation, we might still be able to squeeze you in. Thanks to Lynda and Tony Foster and family for sponsoring this dinner in honor of their wedding anniversary.

Saturday: Torah study/breakfast – 8:45 am. Shabbat Morning Service – 9:30 am. Kiddush lunch follows.
Sunday:  NO Religious School – resume January 5. Hanukkah begins at 5:31 pm. Get out your hanukkiyah, your oil or candles, your latkes, and your dreidels!

Tuesday: Lunch and Learn – 12:00 noon.

Thursday: Community Hanukkah Menorah Lighting and Dinner – 6:30 pm. Cost: $10/adult, $5 under 13, free 5 and under. Reservations by 12/24 are a must! Bring your hanukkiyah and oil or candles! Thanks to Gina and Bernie Seeman for co-sponsoring this dinner in honor of their wedding anniversary.

Friday, December 27: Shabbat Evening Service – 6:30 pm. Oneg Shabbat follows.

Saturday, December 28: NO Torah study/breakfast – resume January 4. Women's Rosh Chodesh Shabbat Morning Service – 9:30 am. Kiddush lunch follows.

Tuesday, December 31: NO Lunch and Learn – resume January 7.

Next time you come to TBH/CBM, please bring some non-perishable canned and packaged foods and personal items (no glass) for SOVA.

This d’var torah is offered for a refuah shleimah for Leah bat Sarah Imanu, Sarah bat Devorah, Susan Arbetman, Ken Bitticks, Elsbet Brosky, Mark Brownstein, Jerry Daniels, Maya Fersht (Maya bat Esther), Dr. Samuel Fersht (Shmuel Natan ben Gittel), Bernard Garvin, Leah Granat, Gabor Klein, Elaine Kleiger, Philip Kronzek, Tonya Kronzek (Zlata Malkah bat Sarah Imanu), Ina Labowitz, Stuart Lytton, David Marks, Gail Neiman, Sandra Raab, David Russak, Josef Sands, Shirley Sands, Debra Schugar Strauss (Devorah bat Chaya Feiga), Helen Schugar (Chaya Feiga bat Kreina), and William Sragow.

Please let me know if there is anyone you would like to add to this list or if there is anyone who may be removed from this list.

HOW MUCH IS ENOUGH?

Parashat Vayishlach

Kislev 16, 5780 / December 13-14, 2019

Torah: Genesis 32:4 – 36:43

Haftarah: Obadiah 1:1-21

Dedications and calendar follow below. For complete listings, see our web site at:

http://www.bnaihayim.com

Please feel free to pass this on to a friend, and please cite the source.

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HOW MUCH IS ENOUGH?

"Esau said, ‘I have a lot; my brother, let what is yours be yours.’ And Jacob said, ‘… Please take my present that I have brought to you, for God has favored me, and I have everything.’ And he urged him, and he took." Genesis 33:9-11

In his commentary "Kli Yakar", R. Shlomo Ephraim Lunshitz (d. 1619) wonders about this exchange between the brothers. Esau has "a lot" – he is wealthy and powerful. Jacob offers him a gift, saying that he has "everything". Esau accepts, and does not reciprocate. Kli Yakar says that one who says he has "everything" means "what I have is enough for me. I am satisfied with my lot." But one who merely says, "I have a lot" always wants more.

I am certain that virtually everyone reading this e-mail has "a lot". Perhaps we are not wealthy and powerful in the way that Esau was, but we have food, clothing, shelter, modern conveniences, toys of various sorts, etc. How many of us are prepared, like Jacob, to say we have "everything"? Why aren’t we satisfied? Why do we want more? I believe it is because we are unable, or more likely, unwilling, to say, "God has favored me." Without acknowledging that higher source, without opening up our spiritual side to be satisfied with that which God has given us, we will always have "a lot", but never "enough" – let alone “everything”.

Jacob gave a gift to someone who was at least as rich and powerful as he. He had his reasons. For those of us who have “a lot” or “everything”, are we prepared to give some of it up to those who have only a little or perhaps nothing at all - the poor and the hungry and the homeless? When we do, that is even greater testimony that God has favored us.

Shabbat Shalom!

Rabbi Richard A. Flom

הַלּוֹמֵד מִכָּל אָדָם ?אֵיזֶהוּ חָכָם

Who is wise?  The one who learns from every person.

Ben Zoma - Pirkei Avot 4:1

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Candle lighting: 4:26 pm

 Friday: Shabbat Evening Service – 6:30 pm. Oneg Shabbat follows.

Saturday: Torah study/breakfast – 8:45 am. Shabbat Morning Service – 9:30 am.  Religious School Junior Congregation - 10:00 am. Kiddush lunch follows.

Sunday:  Religious School – 9:30 am.

Tuesday: Lunch and Learn – 12:00 noon.

Friday, December 20: Simchah Shabbat Evening Service – 6:30 pm. Simchah Shabbat Dinner follows. Dinner is complimentary, but reservations by 12/18 are a must! Thanks to Lynda and Tony Foster and family for sponsoring this dinner in honor of their wedding anniversary.

Saturday, December 21: Torah study/breakfast – 8:45 am. Shabbat Morning Service – 9:30 am. Kiddush lunch follows.

Thursday, December 26: Community Hanukkah Menorah Lighting and Dinner – 6:30 pm. Cost: $10/adult, $5 under 13, free 5 and under. Reservations by 12/24 are a must! Bring your hanukkiah and candles! Thanks to Gina and Bernie Seeman for co-sponsoring this dinner in honor of their wedding anniversary.

Saturday, December 28: NO Torah study/breakfast – resume January 4. Women's Rosh Chodesh Shabbat Morning Service – 9:30 am. Kiddush lunch follows.

Next time you come to TBH/CBM, please bring some non-perishable canned and packaged foods and personal items (no glass) for SOVA.

This d'var torah is offered in memory of Detective Joseph Seals, Mindy Ferenz, Miguel Douglas, and Moshe Deutsh, who were murdered in the anti-police and anti-semitic attack in Jersey City. Their memories are a blessing.

This d’var torah is offered for a refuah shleimah for Leah bat Sarah Imanu, Sarah bat Devorah, Susan Arbetman, Ken Bitticks, Elsbet Brosky, Mark Brownstein, Jerry Daniels, Maya Fersht (Maya bat Esther), Dr. Samuel Fersht (Shmuel Natan ben Gittel), Bernard Garvin, Leah Granat, Gabor Klein, Elaine Kleiger, Philip Kronzek, Tonya Kronzek (Zlata Malkah bat Sarah Imanu), Ina Labowitz, Stuart Lytton, David Marks, Gail Neiman, Sandra Raab, David Russak, Josef Sands, Shirley Sands, Debra Schugar Strauss (Devorah bat Chaya Feiga), Helen Schugar (Chaya Feiga bat Kreina), and William Sragow.

Please let me know if there is anyone you would like to add to this list or if there is anyone who may be removed from this list.

AWESOME HOLY DREAMS

Parashat Vayetze

Kislev 9, 5780 / December 6-7, 2019
Torah: Genesis 28:10 – 32:3
Haftarah: Hosea 12:13 – 14:10

Dedications and calendar follow below. For complete listings, see our web site at:

http://www.bnaihayim.com

Please feel free to pass this on to a friend, and please cite the source.

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AWESOME HOLY DREAMS

"And Jacob awoke from his sleep and said, 'Surely the Lord is in this place and I, I did not know.' And he was afraid, and he said, 'How awesome is this place! This is none other than the house of God, and this is the gate of heaven.'" Gen. 28:16-17

Rashi: For had I known, I would not have slept in such a holy place.

Shlomoh of Radomsk: "My I, I did not know." I erased everything that was in me; my self-awareness; ego consciousness; self-intention.

Jacob dreamt of angels going up and down a ladder. He realized that God was beside him, speaking to him, reaffirming the promise made to Abraham and Isaac. Then Jacob awoke. Had Jacob known that the place was holy, he would have slept elsewhere, according to Rashi. But then, perhaps he would not have had the dream. Perhaps God would not have spoken with him, and what would have become of the covenant with Abraham and Isaac? Was it mere ignorance through which Jacob came to sleep in such a holy place? How then did he merit a visitation from God?

Shlomoh of Radomsk, a mid-19th century Polish chasidic rebbe, suggests that it was not ignorance, but rather, intentional and practiced suppression of the ego, through which Jacob merited the dream and the promise. This seems to be the opposite of Rashi. Perhaps not.

By not being self-focused, Jacob became God-focused. Jacob became more attuned to the holiness around him when he stopped thinking of himself as the center of the universe. By living a minimalist physical (outer) life (he was using a rock for a pillow), Jacob maximized his spiritual (inner) life. Read Rashi, then, as, "Had I known (i.e., had I in my egocentric way been looking to know such a place), I would not have been able to sleep in such a holy place."

Holiness and communion with God come not when we look for them as entitlements, but rather, when we recognize the potential for holiness in every place and every person, and empty out our egos in order to become vessels for receiving that holiness.

Have a wonder-filled Shabbat!

Rabbi Richard A. Flom

TBH/CBM

 אֵיזֶהוּ חָכָם? הַלּוֹמֵד מִכָּל אָדָם.

Who is wise?  The one who learns from every person.

Ben Zoma - Pirkei Avot 4:1

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Candle lighting: 4:26 pm

Friday: A Cappella Shabbat Evening Service – 6:30 pm. Oneg Shabbat follows.

Saturday: Torah study/breakfast – 8:45 am. Shabbat Morning Service – 9:30 am. Kiddush lunch follows.

Sunday:  Religious School – 9:30 am.

Tuesday: Lunch and Learn – 12:00 noon.

Friday, December 13: Shabbat Evening Service – 6:30 pm. Oneg Shabbat follows.

Saturday, December 14: Torah study/breakfast – 8:45 am. Shabbat Morning Service – 9:30 am. Kiddush lunch follows.

Next time you come to TBH/CBM, please bring some non-perishable canned and packaged foods and personal items (no glass) for SOVA.

This d'var torah is offered in memory of our friend Leo Pomerantz, who passed away on Thanksgiving Day. Y’hi zikhro liv’rakhah – May his memory be a blessing.

This d'var torah is offered in memory of Lynn’s grandfather, Gabriel Stern, whose yahrzeit falls on Sunday, 10 Kislev. Y’hi zikhro liv’rakhah – May his memory be a blessing.

This d'var torah is offered in memory of my uncle, Daniel Flom, whose yahrzeit falls on Thursday, 14 Kislev. Y’hi zikhro liv’rakhah – May his memory be a blessing.

This d’var torah is offered for a refuah shleimah for Leah bat Sarah Imanu, Sarah bat Devorah, Susan Arbetman, Ken Bitticks, Elsbet Brosky, Mark Brownstein, Jerry Daniels, Maya Fersht (Maya bat Esther), Dr. Samuel Fersht (Shmuel Natan ben Gittel), Bernard Garvin, Leah Granat, Gabor Klein, Philip Kronzek, Tonya Kronzek (Zlata Malkah bat Sarah Imanu), Ina Labowitz, Stuart Lytton, David Marks, Gail Neiman, Sandra Raab, David Russak, Josef Sands, Shirley Sands, Debra Schugar Strauss (Devorah bat Chaya Feiga), Helen Schugar (Chaya Feiga bat Kreina), and William Sragow.

THE WEARINESS OF PARENTHOOD

Kislev 2, 5780 / November 29-30, 2019
Torah: Genesis 25:19 - 28:9
Haftarah: Malachi 1:1- 2:7

For a complete Calendar of Events, as well as lots of other information on our community, check out our web site at: http://www.bnaihayim.com 

Please feel free to pass this on to a friend, and please cite the source.

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THE WEARINESS OF PARENTHOOD

"And Rebekah said to Isaac, 'I am weary of my life...'" (Gen. 27:46)

Rashi: It means "I despise (or reject) my life."

"And Isaac sent Jacob away; and he went to Paddan-aram to Laban, son of Betuel the Aramean, the brother of Rebekah, the mother of Jacob and Esau."  (Gen. 28:5)

Rashi:  I do not know what (the addition of the words "the mother of Jacob and Esau") teaches us.

The Rabbis teach that there are no superfluous words in the Torah. Every word has meaning. Rashi, the medieval French commentator on Torah and Talmud, is unable to explain why the Torah identified Rebekah in this way, after the entire parashah had been devoted to the lives of Jacob and Esau, and to their relationships between themselves and with their parents.

Later commentators explain the "superfluous" words in the context of Rebekah's fear that one brother might kill the other. I would suggest, however, that those words may explain why Rebekah despised her life. She had favored Jacob throughout his life. After she helped Jacob deceive Isaac in obtaining the blessing meant for Esau, the Torah identifies her as the mother of both Jacob and Esau to remind her of her failed relationship with Esau. Esau is an avenging victim of Rebekah's cunning bent on murdering Jacob, which is as much her responsibility as it is that of Isaac, who had always favored Esau.

We teach our children in both positive and negative ways. Rebekah taught Jacob how to be an achiever, maybe even an over-achiever, through guile. She taught both sons that action, not passivity, was the way to get ahead in the world. Jacob learned to seize what he wanted at any cost. Esau literally developed a killer instinct, and purposed to hunt down his brother like any other prey. Realizing her responsibility for what both boys have become, she despises her life. Although neither will lose his life, Jacob will become physically distant from his parents, and Esau emotionally distant, as a direct result of Rebekah's actions. As far as can be told from the Torah, Jacob never sees his mother alive again after he leaves for Paddan-aram.

"One who makes trouble for his household shall inherit the wind." Proverbs 11:29  Rebekah had two sons and ended up with none. What are we teaching our children?

Happy Thanksgiving! Shabbat Shalom!

Rabbi Richard A. Flom

הַלּוֹמֵד מִכָּל אָדָם ?אֵיזֶהוּ חָכָם

Who is wise?  The one who learns from every person.

Ben Zoma - Pirkei Avot 4:1

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Candle lighting: 4:26 pm

Friday: Synagogue office closed. NO Shabbat Evening Service.

Saturday: Torah study/breakfast – 8:45 am. Shabbat Morning Service – 9:30 am. Kiddush lunch follows.

Sunday:  NO Religious School. Resume December 8

Tuesday: NO Lunch and Learn – resume December 10.

Friday, December 6: Acapella Shabbat Evening Service – 6:30 pm. Oneg Shabbat follows.

Saturday, December 7: Torah study/breakfast – 8:45 am. Shabbat Morning Service – 9:30 am. Kiddush lunch follows.

Next time you come to TBH/CBM, please bring some non-perishable canned and packaged foods and personal items (no glass) for SOVA.

This d’var torah is offered in honor of David Danhi, who is chanting his bar mitzvah haftarah this Shabbat. Yasher koach!

This d’var torah is offered in honor of my sister, Lorrie Flom, celebrating her birthday on Friday. Yom huledet same’ach! Ad me’ah v’esrim!

This d’var torah is offered in honor of our son, Robert Flom, celebrating his birthday on Sunday. Yom huledet same’ach! Ad me’ah v’esrim!

This d’var torah is offered for a refuah shleimah for Leah bat Sarah Imanu, Sarah bat Devorah, Susan Arbetman, Ken Bitticks, Elsbet Brosky, Mark Brownstein, Jerry Daniels, Maya Fersht (Maya bat Esther), Dr. Samuel Fersht (Shmuel Natan ben Gittel), Bernard Garvin, Leah Granat, Gabor Klein, Philip Kronzek, Tonya Kronzek (Zlata Malkah bat Sarah Imanu), Ina Labowitz, Stuart Lytton, David Marks, Gail Neiman, Sandra Raab, David Russak, Josef Sands, Shirley Sands, Debra Schugar Strauss (Devorah bat Chaya Feiga), Helen Schugar (Chaya Feiga bat Kreina), and William Sragow.

Please let me know if there is anyone you would like to add to this list or if there is anyone who may be removed from this list.

Cyber Torah list management (no salesman will call!):

To subscribe to Cyber Torah, send an e-mail with the subject heading “Subscribe Cyber Torah” to: ravflom@sbcglobal.net  

Send requests for dedications of Cyber Torah in honor of a simchah, in memory of a loved one or for a refuah shleimah to: ravflom@sbcglobal.net  

To unsubscribe from Cyber Torah, send an e-mail with the subject heading “Unsubscribe Cyber Torah” to: ravflom@sbcglobal.net

AVOIDING ENABLING BEHAVIOR

Cheshvan 25, 5780 / November 22-23, 2019

Parashat Chayei Sarah
Torah: Genesis 23:1 - 25:18
Haftarah: 1 Kings 1:1-31

Dedications and calendar follow below. For complete listings, see our web site at:

www.bnaihayim.com  

Please feel free to pass this on to a friend, and please cite the source.

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AVOIDING ENABLING BEHAVIOR

"So the man bowed low and prostrated himself before the Lord. He said, 'Blessed is the Lord, God of my master Abraham, Who has not withheld His kindness and truth from my master. As for me, the Lord has guided me on the way to the house of my master's brethren.'" (Gen. 24:26-27)

All of us have had the experience, at some time or another, of giving in to someone we love when it is really not healthy for them or for us. Parents often have to struggle with their children over toys, television shows, movies, music, activities, etc. Even when the demands of our children might lead to some sort of danger, we sometimes give in, in order to avoid tantrums or crying, because we love them, we want them to be happy, and we really do wish we could give them everything their hearts desire. Other times, when our kids engage in questionable behavior, we ignore it, hoping it is "just a phase" they are going through. We don't want to be "brutally honest" with them. We end up with a spoiled brat or a visit to the emergency room, with all of the guilt that accompanies such things.

Adults do this with each other as well, often with terrible consequences. We buy liquor for loved ones who are alcoholics, believing them when they say they can "handle it". We hope against hope that "this time they really mean it" when they promise to quit drinking, and we ignore the smell of alcohol on their breath. We turn a blind eye and call it "a delicate condition" that will magically disappear whenever the stress of the month goes away. We refuse to confront the truth – and we fail to speak the truth. In the meantime, our relationships with the alcoholic and with others are ruined. People are emotionally and physically destroyed.

Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch

The great 19th-century German rabbi, Samson Raphael Hirsch, gets that insight from our parashah. Kindness and truth go together. Kindness without truth is harmful. Truth mediates kindness, keeping it from becoming enabling and destructive. That is why Abraham's servant recites the blessing that he does, for he realizes how truly blessed Abraham is. God has not only been kind to Abraham, He has been truthful. God did not withhold from Abraham the truth about Sodom and Gomorrah, or the truth about the binding of Isaac. Abraham trusted God to be truthful, and Abraham was truthful with God, so he had a holy relationship with God. We too need to be truthful as well as kind with our loved ones and friends. Then we too can have truly holy relationships with each other. Being truthful with the ones we love about their behavior is the way to prevent our intended kindnesses from leading to self-destruction.

Shabbat Shalom!

Rabbi Richard A. Flom

הַלּוֹמֵד מִכָּל אָדָם ?אֵיזֶהוּ חָכָם

Who is wise?  The one who learns from every person.

Ben Zoma - Pirkei Avot 4:1

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Candle lighting: 4:28 pm

Friday: Shabbat ROCKS Evening Service – 6:30 pm. Reb Jason and the Shul of Rock with an electrified and electrifying service. Oneg Shabbat follows.

Saturday: Torah study/breakfast – 8:45 am. Shabbat Morning Service – 9:30 am. Religious School Junior Congregation – 10:00 am. Kiddush lunch follows.

Sunday:  Religious School – 9:30 am.

Tuesday: NO Lunch and Learn – resume December 10.

Thursday, November 28: Happy Thanksgiving! Synagogue office closed.

Friday, November 29: Synagogue office closed. NO Shabbat Evening Service.

Saturday, November 30: Torah study/breakfast – 8:45 am. Shabbat Morning Service – 9:30 am. Kiddush lunch follows.

Next time you come to TBH/CBM, please bring some non-perishable canned and packaged foods and personal items (no glass) for SOVA.

This d’var torah is offered for a refuah shleimah for Leah bat Sarah Imanu, Sarah bat Devorah, Susan Arbetman, Ken Bitticks, Elsbet Brosky, Mark Brownstein, Jerry Daniels, Maya Fersht (Maya bat Esther), Dr. Samuel Fersht (Shmuel Natan ben Gittel), Bernard Garvin, Leah Granat, Gabor Klein, Philip Kronzek, Tonya Kronzek (Zlata Malkah bat Sarah Imanu), Ina Labowitz, Stuart Lytton, David Marks, Gail Neiman, Sandra Raab, David Russak, Josef Sands, Shirley Sands, Debra Schugar Strauss (Devorah bat Chaya Feiga), Helen Schugar (Chaya Feiga bat Kreina), and William Sragow.

Please let me know if there is anyone you would like to add to this list or if there is anyone who may be removed from this list.

PUTTING GOD SECOND

Parashat Vayera

Cheshvan 18, 5780 / November 15-16, 2019

Torah: Genesis 18:1-22:24

Haftarah: Kings II 4:1-37

Dedications and calendar follow below. For complete listings, see our web site at:

www.bnaihayim.com  

Please feel free to pass this on to a friend, and please cite the source.

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PUTTING GOD SECOND

"And the Lord appeared to (Abraham) at the terebinths (trees used to make turpentine) of Mamre while he was sitting at the entrance of the tent in the heat of the day. He lifted his eyes and saw there were three men standing above him; he ran from the entrance of the tent to greet them, and bowed toward the ground. And he said, 'My Lord, if I find favor in Your eyes, please do not pass away from Your servant.'" Genesis 18:1-3.

At first reading, one would think that God appeared to Abraham in the form of the three men. Therefore, he bowed and addressed them as "My Lord". However, Rabbinic tradition teaches that these are two separate events. God was visiting Abraham following Abraham's circumcision, and then the three men appeared. Abraham (in his pain!) literally ran from God to greet the men. He then asked God to wait while he attended to the needs of the men!

This might seem extraordinarily disrespectful to God. Not so, according to the Rabbis. "Rabbi Judah said in the name of Rav: 'Hospitality to guests is greater than greeting the Divine Presence.'" How can this be? For one thing, if God is the Omnipresent, one can never leave God's Presence. Second, if God is the Eternal, then "waiting" is not in God's vocabulary - it's simply not a problem. Perhaps most important, God does not have physical needs, but human beings do; and they must be attended to. In taking leave of God in order to extend hospitality to three strangers who appeared out of the desert, Abraham was actually honoring God - by caring for those who are created "in the image of God".

This implies that if one must choose between fulfilling a “mitzvah bein adam lamakom” (a mitzvah between a person and God) or a “mitzvah bein adam l’chavero” (between one person and another person), we should attend to the mitzvah involving another person first. (See, for example, the Mishnah at Peah 1:1: “These are the things for which a person reaps the fruits in this world, and gets a reward in the world to come: honoring one's father and mother, acts of lovingkindness (gemilut chasadim), and bringing peace between people.”) When we treat others to our hospitality (or feed them or clothe them or house them or provide them with medical treatment), we do indeed find favor in God's eyes.

There remains perhaps the greatest mitzvah of all, one that does not require choosing between God and human beings. We do it after we are dead – by registering as organ donors while we are alive. Indeed, virtually all rabbis agree that organ donation at death is a positive mitzvah - an obligation of pikuach nefesh - saving a life. This idea represents everything that Judaism stands for.

This weekend is National Donor Sabbath, a project of the US Department of Health and Human Services. More information is available at the web site:

https://www.organdonor.gov/awareness/events/donor-sabbath.html  

In 2018, over 36,000 organ donations were performed in the US. This is impressive, until one realizes that there are over 113,000 Americans on the waiting lists for various organs. Every day, 80 transplants are performed in the US, while 20 people die waiting for organs they need to survive. You can alleviate the pain and suffering of others, literally give them life, merely by completing an organ donation card available from your motor vehicle department or at the web site above.

Does it work? Of course! Most of our parts are “recyclable”. And don’t forget, there are ways to save lives while we are still alive – through blood, platelet and bone marrow donations, and as living organ donors. Go ahead – perform an act of chesed or pikuach nefesh – God won’t be offended!

L’chaim!

Shabbat Shalom!

Rabbi Richard A. Flom

הַלּוֹמֵד מִכָּל אָדָם ?אֵיזֶהוּ חָכָם

Who is wise?  The one who learns from every person.

Ben Zoma - Pirkei Avot 4:1

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Candle lighting: 4:31 pm

Friday: SIMCHA Shabbat Evening Service – 6:30 pm. Shabbat Dinner follows. Join us to celebrate November anniversaries, birthdays, and more! The pareve/dairy dinner is complimentary to all, but reservations to the office are a must!

Saturday: Torah study/breakfast – 8:45 am. Shabbat Morning Service – 9:30 am. Kiddush lunch follows. 

Sunday: TBH/CBM Sisterhood meeting – 11:00 am. Religious School – 12:00 noon – 2:30 pm. NOTE TIME CHANGE! This is to accommodate the sofer who will be teaching our students and any interested congregants about how scrolls for Torah, tefillin, and mezuzot are made and written.

Tuesday: Lunch and Learn – 12:00 noon.

Friday, 11/22: Shabbat ROCKS Evening Service – 6:30 pm. Reb Jason and the Shul of Rock with an electrified and electrifying service. Oneg Shabbat follows.

Saturday, 11/23: Torah study/breakfast – 8:45 am. Shabbat Morning Service – 9:30 am. Kiddush lunch follows. 

Next time you come to TBH/CBM, please bring some non-perishable canned and packaged foods and personal items (no glass) for SOVA.

This d’var torah is offered for a refuah shleimah for Leah bat Sarah Imanu, Sarah bat Devorah, Susan Arbetman, Ken Bitticks, Elsbet Brosky, Mark Brownstein, Jerry Daniels, Maya Fersht (Maya bat Esther), Dr. Samuel Fersht (Shmuel Natan ben Gittel), Bernard Garvin, Leah Granat, Gabor Klein, Philip Kronzek, Tonya Kronzek (Zlata Malkah bat Sarah Imanu), Ina Labowitz, Stuart Lytton, David Marks, Gail Neiman, Sandra Raab, David Russak, Josef Sands, Shirley Sands, Debra Schugar Strauss (Devorah bat Chaya Feiga), Helen Schugar (Chaya Feiga bat Kreina), and William Sragow.

Please let me know if there is anyone you would like to add to this list or if there is anyone who may be removed from this list.