Cheshvan 24, 5782 / October 29-30, 2021
Parashat Chayei Sarah
Torah: Genesis 23:1 - 25:18
Haftarah: 1 Kings 1:1-31
This d'var torah is offered in
honor of Lilly Snyder, becoming a bat mitzvah this Shabbat. Mazal tov to
Lilly and the Dryden Snyder family.
This d'var torah is offered for a
refuah shleimah for Chanah Elisheva bat Minnie Leah, Feigel bat
Kreina, and D'vorah bat Feigel.
This d'var torah is offered in memory of the 11 Jewish souls that were taken on Cheshvan 18, 5779/October 27, 2018 at Tree of Life/Or L'Simcha Congregation. Y'hi zikhronam liv'rakhah - Their memories are a blessing.
This d'var torah is offered in memory of my friend and colleague Rabbi Leonard Rosenthal. I never included any pictures in my divrei torah until I began receiving and reading his weekly emails, which always had very spiffy graphics. Now I include at least one picture every week. Thanks, Len. Y'hi zikhro liv'rakhah.
Lunch and Learn meets
Tuesday at 12:30 PM on Zoom and Facebook
Live. We’re continuing to read and discuss the Midrashic collection Ein
Ya’akov. We’ll be continuing from page 5, “A prayer of David”. A link to
the reading is here:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Jt-NLamlIiAGpBhU7WNrCVZGBYhHHWCN/view?usp=sharing
Check out our wonderful community, and get lots of info
about becoming a Chaver and our various programs, at:
https://bnaihayim.org/
Rabbi Van Leeuwen has
a blog which you should read at:
https://rebjasonblog.wordpress.com/blog/
Please feel free to pass this on to a friend, and please
cite the source.
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AVOIDING ENABLING BEHAVIOR
"So the man bowed low and prostrated himself before
the Lord. He said, 'Blessed is the Lord, God of my master Abraham, Who has not
withheld His kindness and truth from my master. As for me, the Lord has
guided me on the way to the house of my master's brethren.'" (Gen.
24:26-27)
Alexandre Cabane-Rebekah Meets Eliezer-1883
All of us have had the experience, at some time or
another, of giving in to someone we love when it is really not healthy for them
or for us. Parents often have to struggle with their children over toys,
television shows, movies, music, activities, etc. Even when the demands of
our children might lead to some sort of danger, we sometimes give in, in order
to avoid tantrums or crying, because we love them, we want them to be happy,
and we really do wish we could give them everything their hearts
desire. Other times, when our kids engage in questionable behavior, we
ignore it, hoping it is "just a phase" they are going
through. We don't want to be "brutally honest" with
them. We end up with a spoiled brat or a visit to the emergency room, with
all of the guilt that accompanies such things.
Adults do this with each other as well, often with
terrible consequences. We buy liquor for loved ones who are alcoholics,
believing them when they say they can "handle it". We hope against
hope that "this time they really mean it" when they promise to quit
drinking, and we ignore the smell of alcohol on their breath. We turn a
blind eye and call it "a delicate condition" that will magically
disappear whenever the stress of the month goes away. We refuse to
confront the truth – and we fail to speak the truth. In the meantime, our
relationships with the alcoholic and with others are ruined. People are
emotionally and physically destroyed.
The 19th-century German rabbi, Samson Raphael Hirsch, gets
that insight from our parashah. He teaches that kindness and truth go together. Kindness
without truth is harmful. Truth mediates kindness, keeping it from
becoming enabling and destructive. That is why Abraham's servant recites
the blessing that he does, for he realizes how truly blessed Abraham
is. God has not only been kind to Abraham, God has been truthful. God
did not withhold from Abraham the truth about Sodom and Gomorrah, or the truth
about the binding of Isaac. Abraham trusted God to be truthful, and
Abraham was truthful with God, so he had a holy relationship with God. We too
need to be truthful as well as kind with our loved ones and friends. Then
we too can have truly holy relationships with each other. Being truthful with
the ones we love about their behavior is the way to prevent our intended
kindnesses from leading to self-destruction.
Shabbat Shalom!
Richard A. Flom, Rabbi Emeritus
TBH/CBM
Sherman Oaks, CA
".איזה הוא חכם? הלומד מכל אדם"
Who is wise? The one who learns from every person.
Ben Zoma - Pirkei Avot 4:1
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