Parashat Chayei Sarah
Torah: Genesis 23:1 - 25:18
Haftarah: 1 Kings 1:1-31
Torah: Genesis 23:1 - 25:18
Haftarah: 1 Kings 1:1-31
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cite the source.
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AVOIDING ENABLING BEHAVIOR
"So the man bowed low and prostrated himself before the Lord. He said, 'Blessed is the Lord, God of my master Abraham, Who has not withheld His kindness and truth from my master. As for me, the Lord has guided me on the way to the house of my master's brethren.'" (Gen. 24:26-27)
All of us have had the experience, at some time or another, of giving in to someone we love when it is really not healthy for them or for us. Parents often have to struggle with their children over toys, television shows, movies, music, activities, etc. Even when the demands of our children might lead to some sort of danger, we sometimes give in, in order to avoid tantrums or crying, because we love them, we want them to be happy, and we really do wish we could give them everything their hearts desire. Other times, when our kids engage in questionable behavior, we ignore it, hoping it is "just a phase" they are going through. We don't want to be "brutally honest" with them. We end up with a spoiled brat or a visit to the emergency room, with all of the guilt that accompanies such things.
Adults do this with each other as well, often with terrible consequences. We buy liquor for loved ones who are alcoholics, believing them when they say they can "handle it". We hope against hope that "this time they really mean it" when they promise to quit drinking, and we ignore the smell of alcohol on their breath. We turn a blind eye and call it "a delicate condition" that will magically disappear whenever the stress of the month goes away. We refuse to confront the truth – and we fail to speak the truth. In the meantime, our relationships with the alcoholic and with others are ruined. People are emotionally and physically destroyed.
"So the man bowed low and prostrated himself before the Lord. He said, 'Blessed is the Lord, God of my master Abraham, Who has not withheld His kindness and truth from my master. As for me, the Lord has guided me on the way to the house of my master's brethren.'" (Gen. 24:26-27)
All of us have had the experience, at some time or another, of giving in to someone we love when it is really not healthy for them or for us. Parents often have to struggle with their children over toys, television shows, movies, music, activities, etc. Even when the demands of our children might lead to some sort of danger, we sometimes give in, in order to avoid tantrums or crying, because we love them, we want them to be happy, and we really do wish we could give them everything their hearts desire. Other times, when our kids engage in questionable behavior, we ignore it, hoping it is "just a phase" they are going through. We don't want to be "brutally honest" with them. We end up with a spoiled brat or a visit to the emergency room, with all of the guilt that accompanies such things.
Adults do this with each other as well, often with terrible consequences. We buy liquor for loved ones who are alcoholics, believing them when they say they can "handle it". We hope against hope that "this time they really mean it" when they promise to quit drinking, and we ignore the smell of alcohol on their breath. We turn a blind eye and call it "a delicate condition" that will magically disappear whenever the stress of the month goes away. We refuse to confront the truth – and we fail to speak the truth. In the meantime, our relationships with the alcoholic and with others are ruined. People are emotionally and physically destroyed.
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| Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch |
The great 19th-century German rabbi, Samson Raphael Hirsch, gets that insight from our parashah. Kindness and truth go together. Kindness without truth is harmful. Truth mediates kindness, keeping it from becoming enabling and destructive. That is why Abraham's servant recites the blessing that he does, for he realizes how truly blessed Abraham is. God has not only been kind to Abraham, He has been truthful. God did not withhold from Abraham the truth about Sodom and Gomorrah, or the truth about the binding of Isaac. Abraham trusted God to be truthful, and Abraham was truthful with God, so he had a holy relationship with God. We too need to be truthful as well as kind with our loved ones and friends. Then we too can have truly holy relationships with each other. Being truthful with the ones we love about their behavior is the way to prevent our intended kindnesses from leading to self-destruction.
Shabbat Shalom!
Rabbi Richard A. Flom
הַלּוֹמֵד מִכָּל אָדָם ?אֵיזֶהוּ
חָכָם
Who is wise? The one who learns from every person.
Ben Zoma - Pirkei Avot 4:1
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Candle lighting: 4:28 pm
Friday: Shabbat ROCKS Evening Service – 6:30
pm. Reb Jason and the Shul of Rock with an electrified and
electrifying service. Oneg Shabbat follows.
Saturday: Torah study/breakfast – 8:45
am. Shabbat Morning Service – 9:30 am. Religious School Junior
Congregation – 10:00 am. Kiddush lunch follows.
Sunday: Religious School – 9:30 am.
Tuesday: NO Lunch and Learn – resume
December 10.
Thursday, November 28: Happy Thanksgiving! Synagogue
office closed.
Friday, November 29: Synagogue office closed. NO Shabbat
Evening Service.
Saturday, November 30: Torah study/breakfast –
8:45 am. Shabbat Morning Service – 9:30 am. Kiddush lunch follows.
Next time you come to TBH/CBM, please bring some
non-perishable canned and packaged foods and personal items (no glass) for
SOVA.
This d’var torah is offered for a refuah
shleimah for Leah bat Sarah Imanu, Sarah bat Devorah, Susan Arbetman, Ken
Bitticks, Elsbet Brosky, Mark Brownstein, Jerry Daniels, Maya Fersht (Maya bat
Esther), Dr. Samuel Fersht (Shmuel Natan ben Gittel), Bernard Garvin, Leah
Granat, Gabor Klein, Philip Kronzek, Tonya Kronzek (Zlata Malkah bat Sarah
Imanu), Ina Labowitz, Stuart Lytton, David Marks, Gail Neiman, Sandra Raab,
David Russak, Josef Sands, Shirley Sands, Debra Schugar Strauss (Devorah bat
Chaya Feiga), Helen Schugar (Chaya Feiga bat Kreina), and William Sragow.
Please let me know if there is anyone you would like to
add to this list or if there is anyone who may be removed from this list.
