THE WEARINESS OF PARENTHOOD

Kislev 2, 5780 / November 29-30, 2019
Torah: Genesis 25:19 - 28:9
Haftarah: Malachi 1:1- 2:7

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THE WEARINESS OF PARENTHOOD

"And Rebekah said to Isaac, 'I am weary of my life...'" (Gen. 27:46)

Rashi: It means "I despise (or reject) my life."

"And Isaac sent Jacob away; and he went to Paddan-aram to Laban, son of Betuel the Aramean, the brother of Rebekah, the mother of Jacob and Esau."  (Gen. 28:5)

Rashi:  I do not know what (the addition of the words "the mother of Jacob and Esau") teaches us.

The Rabbis teach that there are no superfluous words in the Torah. Every word has meaning. Rashi, the medieval French commentator on Torah and Talmud, is unable to explain why the Torah identified Rebekah in this way, after the entire parashah had been devoted to the lives of Jacob and Esau, and to their relationships between themselves and with their parents.

Later commentators explain the "superfluous" words in the context of Rebekah's fear that one brother might kill the other. I would suggest, however, that those words may explain why Rebekah despised her life. She had favored Jacob throughout his life. After she helped Jacob deceive Isaac in obtaining the blessing meant for Esau, the Torah identifies her as the mother of both Jacob and Esau to remind her of her failed relationship with Esau. Esau is an avenging victim of Rebekah's cunning bent on murdering Jacob, which is as much her responsibility as it is that of Isaac, who had always favored Esau.

We teach our children in both positive and negative ways. Rebekah taught Jacob how to be an achiever, maybe even an over-achiever, through guile. She taught both sons that action, not passivity, was the way to get ahead in the world. Jacob learned to seize what he wanted at any cost. Esau literally developed a killer instinct, and purposed to hunt down his brother like any other prey. Realizing her responsibility for what both boys have become, she despises her life. Although neither will lose his life, Jacob will become physically distant from his parents, and Esau emotionally distant, as a direct result of Rebekah's actions. As far as can be told from the Torah, Jacob never sees his mother alive again after he leaves for Paddan-aram.

"One who makes trouble for his household shall inherit the wind." Proverbs 11:29  Rebekah had two sons and ended up with none. What are we teaching our children?

Happy Thanksgiving! Shabbat Shalom!

Rabbi Richard A. Flom

הַלּוֹמֵד מִכָּל אָדָם ?אֵיזֶהוּ חָכָם

Who is wise?  The one who learns from every person.

Ben Zoma - Pirkei Avot 4:1

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This d’var torah is offered in honor of David Danhi, who is chanting his bar mitzvah haftarah this Shabbat. Yasher koach!

This d’var torah is offered in honor of my sister, Lorrie Flom, celebrating her birthday on Friday. Yom huledet same’ach! Ad me’ah v’esrim!

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